Juns crappy life
by Hotfix
Summary: The crappy life of Jun Sakurada.


_"My life is like a bad fanfic. Completely out of character and full of noobish mistakes" – Jun Sakurada_

Hello, my name is Jun and today I am going to tell you something about my life.  
As many of you already know I live in some random house in some random Japanese city, in some random Japan.  
Nothing even remotely exciting ever happens around here, unless you call living with some dolls, a retarded sister and a volcano in the backyard exciting.  
Lets start with the backyard. At first it seemed a perfectly normal backyard, but last week a volcano suddenly appeared right in the middle of it. It's not very large so it has not been causing any serious trouble yet, except that the backdoor burned down and that the entire neighbourhood is covered in smoke and ash.  
We managed to replace the backdoor with a steel plate before the lava entered the house, preventing the entire place from burning down.  
Next up is my sister, Nori. She is not exactly the brightest of persons and rather slow. At least she somehow manages to cook dinner each day without burning the kitchen down or killing us all.  
Somehow I think she must have learnt to cook from our non-existent parents. You see, Nori believes we still have parents, but I am not so sure. I doubt they ever existed at all and am afraid that those so-called parents are nothing more than a figment of her imagination.  
Her favourite hobby is annoying me and cheating at checkers. I don't care if maybe she is just good or not, because she can't be good. She is retarded after all.  
I also suspect her to be secretly gay because she likes the dolls a bit too much to still be natural. Maybe I should call the doctor once to check up on her because I fear she might be suffering from a mental illness.  
Also she is quite a drinker, and it's not unusual for her to be rolling around in her own puke in the middle of the night, on the floor, naked.  
I still wonder why she does it naked though. Maybe I am just missing something obvious.

Now for the dolls.  
The first of the dolls to enter my life was Shinku. I still don't know where she came from or what exactly it is she wants from me(except commandeering me around).  
As already mentioned, all she does during the day is tell me what to do. Jun do this, Jun do that, Jun open the fucking door (she really does say it like that. I thought she was supposed to be a lady or something, but it seems I was horribly mistaken. She would make even a sailor jealous of the way she talks). Jun chew my food, Jun get me some tea, Jun don't step on my toes, Jun kill yourself please. It never ends. The moment she opens her eyes in the morning she will start commanding me until she goes to sleep again in the evening. I wonder if she never gets tired of bossing me around, but sadly for me she seems to like it quite a lot. One of these days I am going to nail her to the ground and puke all over her. That will teach her. Next up is Hinaichigo. I still don't know why the hell Shinku brought her in. All she ever does is eat, eat, eat, whine, eat, eat, whine (again), eat , eat, sleep.  
The worst part of it all is that she never pays for all the food she devours. I do wonder though why a doll has to eat in the first place. And what happens with all the food they eat. Does it just disappear ? do they have some sort of stomach ? and if so, why do they never have to go to the bathroom ? It's probably best to not think about things like that. It only boggles the mind and doesn't get you anywhere (unlike bicycle or car).  
Hina also has the nasty habit of gouging her eye out with a spoon and then force me to fix it again. I found a simple solution though: candy. Hina cares more about candy that she does about her eye (luckily). She somehow manages to grow her eye back overnight anyway. I have yet to figure out how she manages to do so.

Suiseiseki is probably the worst of the three. First she enters the house by breaking the window (and don't think she paid to have it repaired. No sir, she even broke it again !) and then attacks me! What was that crazy doll thinking man ? I didn't even know her, and yet she starts to attack me for no reason! Sadly, Shinku seems to join her quite often, making my life even more miserable than it was already. She constantly follows me around the house and looks suspicious at me, except when I look at her. Then she does as if nothing is wrong.  
She seems the have a special interest in knives. Luckily I placed a new lock on the kitchen drawers that she cant get through, so I am safe, for now. I only hope she doesn't borrow her sisters scissors, because then I would be screwed HARD.

Her sister, Souseiseki, drops by occasionally, sometimes using the front door but usually my window. Lucky for me she usually doesn't stay very long and generally returns to her master again in the evening. Her master is an old guy who probably can't even remember his own name and is probably a registered sex offender. He keeps Souseiseki close because apparently it reminds him of his dead son (who he probably killed like five years ago and whoms corpse he probably keeps in his closet. Talk about having skeletons in your closet.).

The backyard is usually plagued with the presence of yet another doll, the one who calls herself Kanaria. I am not entirely sure what it is she wants from us, but she always seems to be trying to break into the house. With the latest volcano problems I must admit I have not really seen her much anymore. She probably burned or something. The last time I saw her she was wearing a gasmask and was battling small winged creatures which seemed to originate in the volcano with her umbrella.

Now that I read back on this blog post it seems my life is pretty retarded.  
My life is like a bad fanfic. Completely out of character and full of noobish mistakes.  
Maybe it's best for me to just end it myself before it gets even more out of hand.  
If anyone reads this then I am probably sitting in my chair, bleeding all over the floor with my brain secured tightly on the wall.  
Goodbye cruel world.

*bang*

*awkward silence*

Yo, Shinku here you bitches. Seems that loser Jun couldn't take it anymore and decided to end his shitty life. That fuckwad couldn't even be bothered to click the fucking post button on this thing so. What a fucking loser. HINA ! PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKING SPOON DOWN AND LEAVE YOUR GOD DAMN EYES ALONE !  
I said put it down, or I'm going to shoot you bitch ! bang I fucking warned you !  
Now, where was I, I forgot. Hey, is that smoking coming from underneath that blasted door ? SHIT ! IT IS SMOKE ! Everyone get the fuck out of this place ! The fucking house is on fire ! Damn the piece of shit volcano ! Someone post this before we all die ! someone has to read this so they can get help before it's too late !

*many screams*

*roaring flames*

*awkward silence*

I SAID POST IT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ! WE ARE DYING DOWN HERE !

*massive explosion*

**Most awkward ending that was never written.**


End file.
